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From Tom S. -- Tom, who is a chef, is galled by Junk English on menus and food labels. These include terms such as half baked chicken, presliced salami ("I wonder how they did that?" he asks) and whip cream. The last is a euphemism that only sounds like what its sellers want us to believe that it is, but it is not. Chocolatey cookies and golden dollar are other examples.

From Peggy B. -- Peggy confesses that she is driven insane by people who manufacture ize verbs. "I heard," she says, "a man on PBS say something about distributionalizing something...." Peggy recalls that her husband was brought running from another room by her screams.

From Joe A. -- Joe observes that those who use jargon in everyday communication do so to sound impressive while often hiding their own meager vocabulary. He feels that those who take this approach are arrogant: "they don't care about those who can't follow them." Military jargon and team sports jargon are the worst offenders, but examples are endless, from recasting congratulations as mad props to calling people wetware.

From Rebel P. -- Rebel conducts surveys and is bothered when people shorten this to surveill. "If this verb were taken from the French root it might be okay," Rebel writes, "but ... I don't think there is a correct verb for this. I don't surveill anything that I know of." Rebel is also bothered by the add-a-syllable verb orientate. "Isn't the verb orient good enough?" Rebel asks. "I go to an orientation to get oriented, not orientated." (See also strategery below.)

From Rob P. -- Rob may have gripes of his own, but he selflessly submits his sister's pet peeve instead, the redundant expression PIN number (personal identification number number). Other popular acronym-oblivious expressions are IRA account (individual retirement account account) and ATM machine (automated teller machine machine). Thanks to John H. for pointing out the latter.

Ken's favorite redundancy, for those who want to know, is The La Brea Tar Pits (The The Tar Tar Pits).

From Abbey S. -- Abbey sends along this horror, an example of what she wryly calls the "junkification" of a word: "Reasons to change careers included a growing dissatisfication with the current trends in their workplace..."

From Bill H. -- Bill found this embarrassment: a fancy web site for a business division named Hubbell Premise Wiring. Bill notes, "This is a sure sign of illiteracy: confusing premise (a logical assertion) with premises (your house)." See it for yourself at http://www.hubbell-premise.com/main.htm

Bill also came across a help wanted ad from the University of Hawaii School of Law, which is looking for a dean who must have, among other things, an articulated vision. What happened to clear ideas?

From John B. -- Sometimes a word eludes definition. John sent this, written by an executive who supervises writers, apparently television writers: "There will be new episode titles for these shows. We are onworking."

From Eddie -- Eddie notes: "The phrase believe it or not appears to give a choice: Either believe what is being stated, or do not. This, in my experience, is not the case. When I hear it, I take what is being said as true, therefore, I just believe it."

From Harry S. -- Harry gently calls attention to his wife's occasional use of that in place of very or too. "I'm not that hungry." "It's not that warm today." He also points out that the bathroom euphemism, I'm going to make a pit stop, does not describe the facilities within, and could cause misunderstanding if spoken to someone familiar with low-tech waste disposal.

From Abbey S. -- Abbey writes: "The word wordsmith, which already grates on my nerves as a noun, has been turned into a verb. The following example was from someone who reviewed an article I wrote: 'Obviously this is your area of expertise so please wordsmith it as you see fit.'" The nonsense verb wordify is similarly employed. Both are artificial and unnecessary substitutes for write.

From Mark C. -- Mark is dismayed that yes has been replaced by the loud and lengthy synonym absolutely. It is also a popular Parasitic Modifier, sucking the vigor out of formerly strong words when it is used in phrases such as absolutely true, correct, right, superb, essential, safe, free, and incredible.

Mark also submitted this quote from the governor of Pennsylvania, who had this to say about the successful rescue of nine trapped coal miners: "In the future, when others look at what we've done here, what we've learned, they'll have some implementable actions." We hope that they will have useful knowledge and practical experience as well.

From Tom S. -- "The fingernails on the blackboard for me is mentee and incent," Tom writes. "...the words mean nothing because neither "ment" nor "incent" are verbs, so that no matter how hard you try, you cannot incent your mentee to do anything...." Tom says that when he critiques people at work who use these words, they answer with an "empty smile and a polite, 'Isn't that nice.'" He suspects that their inner voice says something different: "Those are the words we're going to use, dictionary be damned."

From Donald S. -- Donald found this on an online travel site: "Our airfare SuperSale is almost over but if you act fast you can still save up to 50 percent or more on round-trip airline tickets." Donald recognizes the empty promise of up to and or more: "It's no different from saying 'up to 1 percent or more'." Also note the almost over -- another undefined and thus meaningless term -- and that the simple word sale was not deemed impressive enough. These language tricks are designed to get us excited so that we act impulsively, rather than stop and think about what is, or isn't, being said.

From Ted S. -- Ted is perturbed by investment advisors -- they used to be called stock pickers -- who insert the phrase a little before their predictions, as in, "It is a little early to sell right now." Ted asks, "Does this mean it is only one day, two days, one week early? What if it means six months, one year, early? By using a little as a modifier, the stock analyst can always claim to be right." Financial editors and tv show hosts should demand specifics when they encounter such gutless language, but apparently they do not.

From K.D. -- "I have noticed people using literally to intensify an already exaggerated phrase as in, 'My head literally exploded when I found out.' Well, I'd like to see that."

From Stephanie Z. -- Stephanie observes that mongrel verbs "have been popping up at an alarming rate." She relates: "On a home decorating show recently a woman spoke of picking up many fine pieces of furniture while garage-saling and estate-saling. Of course, she could also have been antiquing."

From David L. -- David sends this example: "I have relocated to Georgia and I will be officing out of Atlanta." He notes, dryly, that officing is "a form of the verb to office, I presume."

From Karina H. -- Karina writes: "I work in retail sales, and shudder at some of the 'words' used by my managers ... my coworkers and I are expected to prioritize our assignments and utilize our time well ... I am often asked to colorize a rack of clothing; my boss will ask if I think a certain item is trending well; and one doesn't just put clothing out on the sales floor, one merchandises."

Karina is also perplexed by the misuse of nauseous ("inducing nausea") for nauseated ("feeling sick to one's stomach"). "Every time someone says, 'I'm nauseous,' I can't help but giggle to myself," she writes. "Of course, as with many junk English words, I'm guilty of saying it, too!"

From Abbey S. -- Abbey has recently encountered two words that bother her. The first is trending used as a verb: "This information is provided to assist in trending [spotting trends within] Occupational Illness and Injury information." This is a compound abomination, as trending is already a nonsense word, coined on Wall Street to make rising in price and falling in price sound the same, or to make unstable and fluctuating sound less ominous.

Abbey's second word is matrix: "We have developed an innovative staffing matrix to accommodate the variable patient volumes during the 24-hour period...." Matrix has become the cool way to describe what, to objective eyes, is a chart or a grid.

From Mercedes M. -- Mercedes writes that "one word that keeps popping up in the news lately is strategery. I assume it has something to do with strategies...." The media has made fun of this make-believe word since it was used by President Bush, but others use it too. An example: "Certainly, at least part of her legal strategery was to say, 'There's no case here.'" Strategery falls into the same add-a-syllable category (or cateragory) as commentate (for comment) and subliminable (for subliminal).

From Frank B. -- Frank rides the New Haven, CT, Railroad and has repeatedly heard the conductors make this announcement: "Only the first three cars will platform in East Norwalk." Says Frank: "I cringe every time I hear this."

From Litza S. -- Litza has been in meetings with web developers and writes that the word granular keeps popping up. "I suppose this must mean something like fine-grained, but it sounds silly." Granular is also substituted for exact, precise, accurate, and detailed. (See level of granularity below.)

From Cynthia -- Cynthia oversees the resident assistants at a university and reports that they routinely embrace trendy nonsense business words. The current favorite is matter, used as a transitive verb. "I left my last position because I just didn't feel mattered there." "How can we matter our students better?"

From Tom L. -- Tom is irritated by the word partnering, the term joint venture, and the mongrel hybrid coopetition, particularly with words such as collaborating, allying, working, joining, cooperation, partnership, association, and alliance already available.

From Stephen F. -- Stephen has many pet peeves that he dislikes, particularly illiterate synonyms such as verbal for oral (verbal encompasses both oral and written communication), epicenter for center (an epicenter is the surface of a planet or moon directly above the center of an earthquake, not the center itself), and penultimate for ultimate, best, top, or last (penultimate means next to the last). He also wishes that people would stop writing comprised of when what they mean is composed of, chaise lounge for chaise longue (French for long chair), and litiginous rather than the correct litigious.

From Kristin -- Kristin is bothered by invitations to compare and contrast ideas, services, or products. The phrase is redundant -- either of the two verbs would convey the intended meaning -- and Kristin feels that its construction implies that compare and contrast are opposites, and "since when did compare mean to examine only the similarities in something?"

From Ozzy D. -- Ozzy is upset by the phrase at a high rate of speed, a long-winded way to write fast or quickly.

The Case Of The Wandering "A"s -- Susan B. is angry that a has attached itself to lot as in "We've got alot to do," while Sara M. is equally mad that a has vanished from another as in "That's a whole nother story." Sara asks, "Does nother qualify as an adjective?" while Susan cries, "When did alot replace a lot -- and has it really?" Sara concludes: "Ken, my head hurts."

From David S. -- David is frustrated by the American English term horseback riding. "Is there another part of the horse that people ride?" he asks, noting that the rest of the English-speaking world calls it, simply, horse riding.

From Colin D. -- Colin is puzzled by the attachment of pent-up to frustration to create pent-up frustration. Pent-up is an unneccesary intensifier, yet its presence has become so common that we now need three words to express what formerly took one.

From Guy W. -- Guy is angered by sentences such as, "We're going to hone in on individual aspects of the larger problem." He explains: "You can home in on a destination. You can hone down to a sharp edge. But you cannot hone in any more than you can home down!!"

From Ken -- The New York Times, which has not liked Hugo Chavez, the twice-elected President of Venezuala, and which in the past has not liked military coups, either, was caught in a bind when President Chavez was overthrown -- briefly -- by a military coup. The Times solved its potentially embarrassing conflict of dislikes, at least to its editors' satisfaction, by never calling the coup what it was. Two examples: "With yesterday's resignation of President Hugo Chavez, Venezuelan democracy is no longer threatened by a would-be dictator. Mr. Chavez, a ruinous demagogue, stepped down after the military intervened and handed power to a respected business leader." "Mr. Chavez has been such a divisive and demagogic leader that his forced departure last week drew applause at home and in Washington. That reaction, which we shared, overlooked the undemocratic manner in which he was removed."

From Abigail S. -- Abigail read this sentence in a recent issue of Time and judged it "a little creepy": "In a society that fetishizes fun yet also equates career with identity, young moms are double outsiders." The writer probably had celebrates in mind, correctly sought a variant for that threadbare word, overlooked (or ignored) reveres or loves, and incorrectly substituted a creepy -ize verb.

From Ken -- According to the president and CEO of Maryland Public Television -- as reported in The Baltimore Sun -- Louis Rukeyser, the recently fired host of Wall Street Week With Louis Rukeyser, "continues to mischaracterize the circumstances surrounding his departure." Any reader of this story would already know what happened to Mr. Rukeyser, so departure fools no one. And there is no excuse for mischaracterize, an unnecessary and ugly elongation of misrepresent, which is a euphemism for lie about.

From Mona E. -- Mona writes that the abuse of negative as a substitute for bad -- and positive as substitute for good -- is inverting the terms negative feedback and positive feedback. "Students think negative feedback must be bad," Mona writes, but, "In control systems negative feedback is any damping mechanism that maintains the desired state. Example: if you're too hot, you sweat and that brings your temperature down; if your temperature is too low, you shiver and that brings your temperature up." Mona is frustrated that people "want to turn this useful feedback into 'positive' feedback. But positive feedback is characteristic of an out-of-control system, because changes are intensified, not damped." She notes that the current bloody state of affairs between the Israelis and the Palestinians "is a good example of positive feedback."

From Carol H. and Litza S. -- The noun architect has been turned into a verb, and is popular with writers who invent long words to hide dull material. The verbs design, build, form, shape, fashion, and order are disappearing; they are too short and too clear.

- American FactFinder was architected to be a foundation for future requirements.

- He wants an architected universe, with science as geometry, and man classified.

- After years of assessing tools and architecting numerous platforms, MindTree is able to leverage a vast knowledge base to prescribe tools and architectures....

- Architecting a Holistic Solution.

From Litza S. -- While investigating web design companies Litza came upon this, a declaration of the insights gleaned by the officers of one firm from the 2001 Experience Design Summit. Each is followed by my (Ken) attempt to translate:

1. The concept of a holistic evaluation of the success of the user experience is new and very undefined. (No one really knows if people will like or dislike a new product.)

2. We are not alone in our struggle to understand how to evaluate the success of the User Experience. ([same as #1])

3. We are Experience Design Practitioners. (We are salespeople.)

From Ken -- The Indian Point Nuclear Power Plant in New York has hired an advertising agency to convince the public that the plant should remain open. A radio commercial produced by the agency, however, only offhandedly mentions nuclear power -- the reason that the public wants to close the plant -- and has renamed the plant the Indian Point Energy Center.

From Mike W. -- For those of us wearied by the use of 24x7 to enliven the concept of all the time, Mike reports a new numerical offender: "Chevy trucks are touted as being dependable 24x7x365 on billboards," he writes. "What does it really mean?" It means that 24x7 has exhausted its power to impress, and that we should brace ourselves for what will undoubtedly come next, 60x24x7x365.

From Carol H.: -- Carol astutely observes that 24x7x365 is logically flawed as well as clumsy, and should have been written as 24x7x52. "If you're going to insist on using 365," Carol writes, "I'm afraid you just have to sacrifice the lucky 7."

From Ken -- The president of Bob Jones University, Bob Jones III, has declared that the school's philosophy should no longer be called fundamentalist -- a word with awkward connotations since Sept. 11 -- but rather biblical preservationist.

From Michelle B. -- Sign outside a real estate office in Florida: We guarantee your mortgage approval 110%!!

From Litza S. -- Litza recalls a meeting in which a boss declared an employee's transitioning -- the employee had just been fired -- and opined that the office should continue to run smoothly as the two of them had been very planful.

From Marie B. -- This appeared in a review of a painting exhibit in The Los Angeles Times: Obliqueness trumps didactic instruction, language is subsumed within inchoate modes of feeling. Twelve words, seven of them needlessly pretentious, zero chance that this sentence will be understood by newspaper readers.

From Ken -- A CNN report of enemy fire in Afghanistan contained this sentence: "U.S. troops returned fire and the officers said the 'threat either disintegrated in the night or exfiltrated.'" There is no excuse to use an abstract noun, a bogus metaphor, and a word that doesn't exist to say the attackers ran away.

From Cynthia S. -- A page from a web site lists "several operating philosophies" of an unidentified corporation; the list includes Biased toward action, Dedicated to organic growth, and Aspirational.

From Ken -- An e-mail spam this morning promised to explode your sex life and boost libido 253 percent! Apparently enliven and energize are no longer lively enough for some copywriters. American English long ago broke the 100 percent barrier, but one must salute the nerve and reverence for precision that concocted the mathematically impossible 253 percent.

From Stephen F. -- Stephen correctly calls Ken to account for dismissing 253 percent as mathematically impossible. "I think," he writes, "that you're confusing the concept of increasing by more than 100 percent (commonly done) with that of giving more than 100 percent of oneself." Giving more than 100 percent is impossible but, Stephen explains, "Increasing something by, say, 200 percent is easy: take a pound of sugar, add two pounds and you've increased its weight by 200 percent." Ouch.

From Ken -- There has been talk in the news recently over whether or not to dollerize the Argentine peso. Experts have explained that dollerization in this case means to replace the Argentine peso with the U.S. dollar, but the Argentine peso is already "pegged" to the U.S. dollar; they are equal and interchangeable. Thus dollerization would not, it seems, change anything, so the word must mean something else, but the experts are not helping us to understand what that something is. One, a professor, declared, "I think they should simply liquidate the peso, eliminate it completely and dollarize the economy, that is the only way they can quarantine the contagion effect."

From Ken -- Here is a majestic example of circumloqution, courtesy of The Washington Post: "I won't presume to psychologize the guy, but readers should at the very least know that his recent antics at the Boston offices of The American Prospect show him to be, well, distinctly truth challenged." If a liar is too harsh, why not untrustworthy?

From anonymous -- Silent despair fills anonymous whenever his/her supervisor uses the word concretize.

From J. Pittman -- "This one drives me nuts: 'We need to think of ways to onboard everyone'." J. notes that this is a compression of the metaphor get everyone on board, but we should ask further what does get everyone on board mean? Is it to ensure that everyone is equally informed, or is it something more, such as ensuring that everyone thinks or feels or believes alike? We often only notice vague metaphors when they are compressed into awkward words and phrases like concretize and onboard everyone.

From Ken -- Level of granularity has become a bloated way to say high-grain, a metaphor for precision or accuracy. Thus this from our Secretary of Defense: "We can't say, 'As of this hour this is precisely where we are.' We don't have that level of granularity."

From John S. -- An Amtrak conductor broadcast this announcement to passengers who wanted to stow their luggage in overhead racks: "If you cannot levitate your bag, you may place it at the end of the car."

From Nina N. -- A former girlfriend has voiced her opinion that Nina's continued presence affects her comfortability.

From Jill M. -- Saw a flyer written by a pet owner that claimed that a missing dog may have been accidented on the corner of 14th and 3rd.

From a fifth grade teacher : -- "According to my supervisor I no longer teach, I deliver educational services."

From Cynthia S. -- Two euphemisms in vogue with white supremacists: racialist for racist and racially aware for racially prejudiced. The latter is nudging aside white pride.

Cynthia also submitted excerpts from a company newsletter that uses absorption of new business as a substitute for taking in new work. This newsletter carries an announcement that an upcoming workshop will answer the question, "What is meant by outcomes measurement?"

Cynthia did not attend this workshop, a loss to us all.

Further: "The specifics issues discussed in this workshop are designed to help you understand the rationale and process you should follow in measuring the results of your activity."

Apparently the workshop teaches a system that workers are encouraged -- or expected -- to follow when evaluating their work.

From Julia K. -- A quote from California state treasurer Phil Angelides, who told The Sacramento Bee that the bill that enabled the government of California to buy electricity, "has made the utilities, from this day forward, on a goingforward basis, solvent."

From Jamie K. -- From a union letter: "The time for purposeful low-ball is over. Half a year later it is insulting, provocative, and realistically painful."

The letter contains many common errors of construction such as the mysterious it in the second sentence. Purposeful low-ball is a confusing and unneccesary substitute for talk. Realistically is an artificial substitute for truly and both are unneeded; a thing is either painful or it is not, and the sentence would be stronger without the extra word.